Teacher: Good evening boys and girls And those that’re in between Welcome to the evening class That starts at 6:15 Is everybody here? Did you sign in on the sheet? Very good, let’s get this show on the road Now the intro is complete. I must apologize for appearing, Unfashionably late. Me and my new flame had a falling out, I’m sure you can relate. It’s such a pity that she is what she is And all those other bits Because you should’ve seen her! She had the biggest… Oh, I’m just wasting my time Class: Get to the program Teacher: Wasting my time Class: Get on with the program We came here to learn of algebra We’re not interested in some girl’s bra Teacher: You’re right. Now then. The area of a circle Is A is π r squared Where π is 3.1415…ugh The rest you probably don’t care. Oh look! I can turn this circle into a pair, Now it looks like a woman’s waist… Oh. Pretend you didn’t see that, I’m gonna have this erased. Let me say it again: I’m sorry What more d’you want me to say? Of all the days my girl could’ve dumped me She had to pick today. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Happy now? Get the hell off of my ass. I’ve every right to take it out on you Cause I’m the teacher of this class! Though I’m just wasting my time… Class: Saying sorry doesn’t let you off We’re not stupid, it’s not what we want. You’re not teaching any new things Just stuff we already know We will tell the dean about you And he might just let you go We will ask for your dismissal You might never teach again Won’t you keep your shit together Keep to the curriculum till then Stop wasting your time And get to the program We don’t care about your sob story Please keep to what you’re supposed to teach Teacher: Alright, cards on the table, right now I really don’t wanna be here. It’s not like I’ve never missed A class before (at least this year). If I hurry, I can probably Make the next subway train And say goodbye before she gets On her Paris-bound airplane. I’d love, again, to see her If only one more time. I miss the way she loved me And made a key lime pie We could’ve been starting something We’d be the king and queen of Queens I’d say she turned my tables But I don’t know what that means! Class: Careful now, don’t start a chain reaction. Teachers too can get an infraction. You might serve some time, maybe forty And miss the new episode of Rick and Morty Teacher: I just want one more chance Before she goes to France Country known for great romance Please give me a pair of pants Class: This is stupid, really stupid You’re oh so better than this You had so much potential But it fell down the abyss Teacher: I thought she was the one The odds were mil to one Not as simple as one plus one Or a class in room three-oh-one Class: You’re not teaching any new things Just stuff we already know We will tell the dean about you And he might just let you go We will ask for your dismissal You might never teach again Won’t you keep your shit together Keep to the curriculum till then Teacher: You know what? Class dismissed. Class: Yeah. Sure.

They say in dreams that Things are not always What they seem But who am I To believe The things They say in dreams Didja see her on the walk The new kid on the block Who’d have guessed That on my door she’d knock She coming in to Lower East Side From cross the New York Bay Is she here for just the weekend Or is she here to stay? Your hair is golden brown It’s spread across the town Tell me baby Will I see you round Or you goin’ underground? Would you eat at Lombardi’s or The Back Room? Tell me where you want to go. We’d be here and there in just five minutes. Tell me, cause I’d like to know. We’re on the avenue You know it to be true Come on baby Say it with me too Baby I love you! Please stay with me, don’t deceive me Tell me what you’re all about. I’d understand if you had a past. Don’t you leave me out. Why you lookin’ up to the skies? You think I was telling you lies? Come back baby I’ll apologize I’ll apologize

Para bailar la bamba Para bailar la bamba Se necesita una poca de gracia Una poca de gracia, par mi par ti, arriba, arriba! Arriba arriba, por ti seré Por ti seré, por ti seré Yo no soy marinero Yo no soy marinero, soy capitán, Soy capitán, soy capitán You wanna dance the bamba? You wanna dance the bamba? Well first you need a graceful girl A graceful girl from me, for you, go and give her a whirl A whirl and a dirl, she will be for you Oh yes my friend she is for you. I am not just a sailor I am not just a sailor; A captain I A captain, I, A captain, I You gotta dance the bamba! Come on and do the bamba! Your graceful girl on the merry-go-mound. On the merry-go-round you ride with her Go around and around.

I'm not really famous, I just had a dream I wanna talk to people, you know what I mean? They say things are not always what they seem. Well here I am on your TV screen Studio audience, that (applause) light's gonna glow. How we doing house band? Didja tune that banjo? Everybody ready? We all need to know. Hurry up cause it's time to go Let’s put on a show! We’re talking with a DJ but his space odyssey And waiting in the green room is a child prodigy There’s a technical error one camera three Well that’s show business, don’t you agree? Coming up is music from They Never Do Crack But first is a commercial for Kellogg’s Apple Jacks. Don’t you touch that dial while the train’s on its track But go ahead and fix up a snack And we’ll be right back

Magdalena Is the worst girl that I know She’s always saying crazy things That I know aren’t so I’d love to tell her off but It’s not as simple as they say No matter how I loose her She just won’t go away! Tell me, Magdalena, Why must you lie You told me you were vegan Yet you ate my shepherd pie You say you don’t like Tom Hanks, Yet you laughed with Forrest Gump, You told me you liked Clinton, But you voted for Donald Trump I don’t want to see you, So why must you see me? For I am just another fish, Out in the deep blue sea. What do you tell the others? Does your mother even know? Ah, what’s the point of asking, When I know the answer’s ‘no’! Come on Magdalena Stop crimping up my style You’re getting me in trouble for Speeding by a mile You made me go past 40 In a 20 mile zone They threw the book and me And wouldn’t let me use the phone! Shut up Magdalena I don’t trust you anymore This time I’m getting rid of you and Locking up the door I don’t like you, Never did and never will. You made me loose my faith In people from Inwood Hill. Please Magdalena For once tell me the truth Are you cheating on me? Or picking on the youth? Go away Magdalena Please get out of my life! Propose to someone else cause I already have a wife!

I'm not gay But I don't mind if you're that way I'm not bi I'm just a regular ally Whatever floats your boat, it's all okay Cause I say let's be friends anyway. There are girls that like girls And men that like men Some try it once, Others do it again. I don't know why, but I know this guy Who told a girl he was gay But what do you know? They're still friends anyway! I am proud, and so can you. We go and fight for the lives we choose. Even if you move sex or gender out of the way, We're still gonna be friends anyway. Masculine or feminine Black or white Equal or opposite Wrong or right Gay, Bi, Trans, Queer, Straight Come what may Let’s be friends anyway So what if your male friend wants to wear Angora? I say let ‘em do it, muchas gracias señora! He and him and she and her and they and them and they Are friends like those who need friends all the way. I'm not gay But I don't mind if you're that way I'm not bi I'm just a regular, plain-old ally Whatever floats your boat, it's all okay Cause we will be friends anyway. No matter if we’re wrong or right Yin or yang or black or white We’ll be friends anyway But if you're looking to go all the way As per the flag you carry, The one you want is Brian Not me, cause I'm married.

If I had wings like Noah's dove I'd fly the river to the one I love Fare thee well, my honey fare thee well I knew a girl, who was thin and tall Moved her body like a cannon ball Fare thee well, my honey, fare thee well I remember one evening in the pouring rain And in my heart there was an aching pain Fare thee well, my honey, fare thee well Very next morning, wasn't long I call your name but you were gone Fare thee well, my honey, fare thee well Muddy river runs muddy and wild Can't give a bloody for an unborn child Fare thee well, my honey, fare thee well As sure as the birds flyin' high above Life ain't worth living without the one you love Fare thee well, my honey, fare thee well Fare thee well, my honey, fare thee well

Ten o’clock at the Mercury The beat be flowing The song is s’posed to be over Yet I’m still going But I see the stagehand glare at me so serious And the audience, they’re suddenly delirious Gettin’ past the five minute mark Seven will soon be on But this is Open Mic Night, not the Garden Where it’s three minutes max per song Though at first I thought if Bob Dylan could do it, then I could do it too So I keep it going on ahead. But I should be leaving this kind of stuff to the pros Like Phish or the Grateful Dead But I know they’ll charge extra for going overtime And they might yank me away if this were pantomime Get me off the stage “I must be crazy” the audience says It’s the song that never ends The kind of song you hide from strangers And keep it in between friends. My license to perform, the boss might confiscate Even worse my parking ticket, they won’t validate Help me off the stage Now I know the bandmates used up all their energy But when I’m in groove there is no stopping me Play me off the stage